This baggage hurts

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 19:33:25 GMT

Oh, London!

It's getting better, i only wish my friends were there with me too.

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 22:54:30 GMT

London is looking a bit like this:

Quite a bit of crying
quite a lot of missing
quite a lot of phonecalls
quite a lot of money
quite a few good times out
tubes everywhere.
hanging out with patrick wolf, edward larrikin and patricia quinn of rocky horror fame.
nice, new people who you wouldnt usually get on with so well
cooking
washing
work
lots of wishing about boys
far too many empty wine bottles in my room
living in a semi prison
drinking a litre of martini in less than an hour and wearing high heels and telling your friends in bands, who have just got signed to not ignore you.
That boy...
the one i kissed
who had indepth conversations about wanting to be in love
who i had the nicest time with.
That boy. Apparently shagging everyone.

The sexy boy on my course having a lovebit on his neck.
Letdown.

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 07:38:04 GMT

I move to woodgreen a week today

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 17:15:53 GMT

Other than working loads this summer i have been having an absolutely bloody fantastic time.

Minus the drama.

The best moment happened on Thursday. Fay, Jerri and I went to see Patrick Wolf D.J at a tiny club in soho... it ended up being us three plus patrick wolf on the dance floor, dancing around our bags which he'd moved in to the middle of the dance floor, us sitting in the toilet with him & him asking me if i played any instruments, when i replied 'i played the clarinet' he told me his sister had stolen my job. It was a mental night and the best. He is truely amazing, i have photographs which i can get properly soon.
He was with about 4 girls who are in his top friends, who are also on this London music scene, who i've just checked out and realised they are really quite good.
This was most probably the most surreal moment of my life.

Oh good, best times.

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 18:53:39 GMT

This may be very shallow, but i've decided that i dont like people with shit eyebrows
and i also dont like people who like REALLY lame music.

Yup.

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 11:50:47 GMT

I've realised how much time and energy i waste on people undeserving of it.
This upsets me, i think i'm too easily fooled, i believe silly silly little words when i need ACTION.

I am annoyed at myself, even more annoyed though at the people who take advantage of this...
really, the person whom i talk of really are not deserving of my time. But i want to give them my time..
only for them to piss take.
They knew they were undeserving of my time & seemed so grateful, only to do this.
I should've known better.

Words really do mean nothing anymore to me.

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 09:20:07 GMT

Mmmmmmmmmm 2 tickets for October 1st turned up this morning.

I don't do this but:

:):):):):):):)
Basically.

Last night was quite the funny one, sitting on roofs, getting 'mooned' at by 10italian boys, jack running around half naked covered in shaving foam and a house party of selected few people, with a dj.
Good times.

Tonight i may go and see foals at the london barfly, although working at 8am the next morning isn't so good..
They're not on until half11 either... and then : ( are playing..
What to do..what to do.

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 20:55:43 GMT

!!!!!!!!!!!!1
I cannot bloody wait until the 1st october.
I am already so, so excited.

It's going to be one of my favourite days, i'm sure of it.
& NOONE is going to fuck it up for me.

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 16:25:40 GMT

'I live in a world of fantasy
so keep your reality away from me
i see what i want
i want what i see
and that is all okay by me.'

Can someone please lend me some creativeness,
i should really be inspired by everything going on around me and the anger i have but i don't know.

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 16:15:41 GMT

My first truck was a super one, thanks to having the super people around me.
I spent most of the time not watching bands though, i don't enjoy watching bands as much as i used to bar a few...
the best part of the weekend was foals playing last thing on the sunday night, i had a little feeling of proudness.

I got a little sun-burnt and have a tan line on my face where my fringe would sit...if i hadn't gotten it cut that same day before i noticed the tan.

Many a haircut happened on the sunday, as well many times sat in a van rather than in the main area. I saw one of John's good friends, who clearly i would have rather not seen. She starred at me quite a lot, i didn't like this very much, i got panicky and anxious, irrationaly, so i chose that to sit where there were a lot less people and to be in a less clostrophobic situation where i was surrounded by people i wanted to be was for the best. It certainly was, this is when i managed to get my good times in.

I am just still so annoyed.
Not upset.
Annoyed.

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 16:15:09 GMT

She's well shit,
i mean like, properly shit, from what i can see,
again a year younger than me.

Ah i'm ok about it though, i've realised he's pretty shit also.

shit shit shitters.
I just don't really think that's such a good thing, he liked someone really shit over me, maybe they had more in common? Let's bloody well hope so.

Also, who makes up a nickname like that?
Fucking tragic.

As is the fact she's made a blog called 'i loved him first...' but is set so that friends only can read.
Obviously, we are not friends.
Obviously this is something to do with the message i sent her saying what a twat he is., which she didn't reply to.
I wish some people would grow some fucking balls.
Serious.
If you're going to say something about someone, be prepared to say it to their face.
WANKERS.

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 07:58:54 GMT

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
it's happened again.
Anyone would think there's something wrong with me....

The boy i liked, who supposedly liked me too but was 'confused', and wouldn't tell me anything until i pushed it out of him yesterday, in which he continued to tell me that 'it's cooled because i don't cope with pressure too well and i don't think we can have anything more at the moment because of this.'

Speeled me off with all of the same old rubbish. Again.
For me to only work out and have to push again to find out the truth, which is, that it's infact because he likes some other girl.
Some other girl from MYSPACE.

De ja vu much?
Anyway, fantastic pretty much.

I've got to stop throwing my trust on to these boys.
I'm pretty gutted/ devestated.

Sun, 11 Jun 2006 14:59:27 GMT

I really do wish that i could be a lot calmer about certain things as i am finding myself increasingly more irritating at being this anxious & pathetic.

Tue, 23 May 2006 17:23:14 GMT

Thank goodness i got in to middlesex today.

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 16:07:42 GMT

ok.
so.
issy will laugh at me.
BUT my star sign in one magazine today:
unexpected developments are always a surprise for you, mostly because you plan so carefully. But they're even more unsettling simply because with tomorrow's full moon accenting practical or financial matters, you could worry about changes threatening your stability. While it's likely you'll have to rearrange things, what you learn in the process more than justifies the anxiety and disruption you must endure. Ideally, in fact, you'll make your inquiries far more extensive than is necessary. Do this and you'll deal with the issues to hand. But more than that, what you learn will expand your understanding of the people and situations involved that you'll avoid similar dramas in the future.

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 20:58:47 GMT

"She's like this animal, cut open with all its vital organs glistening and quivering, you know like the liver and large intestine. She could wait for someonje to sew her back up, but she knows noone will. She has to take a needle and thread and sew herself up."
"gross" says seth.
"miss rona says nothing is gros" Brandy says "Miss rona says the only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open."

Mon, 30 Jan 2006 21:26:59 GMT

'"When you understand," Brandy says, "that what you're telling is just a story. It isn't happening anymore. When you realize the story you're telling is just words, when you can just crumble it up and throw your past in the trashcan," Brandy says, "then we'll figure out who you're going to be."

sylvia plath said 'if you fear something enough, you can make it happen.'

Sun, 15 Jan 2006 13:33:16 GMT

I hate this feeling i get when i've been away, this fear i get, when i'm going back to it.
I'm going back to what?!
to all the shit i just want to put behind me,
to the shit i want nothing to do with,
i fall back into the same old, tired shit.
Which i WANT to be rid of,
which i COULD be rid of,
only i dont know why i'm not.
When i'm away i'm nearly there, i'm nearly rid of it. I'm almost complete,
but then i think, i'm obviously not complete as i have none of my life around me.
And i still have this phone,
and i still have this internet.
All these things which i need, that just help to ruin me.
I can't be rid of all this shit, it's like i'm not allowed to be.
Something/one will always stop me,
stop me from being complete in myself,
and all i want to do is fucking rid of this hole in me,
to fill this stupid, fucking gap and just be me.
How i was.
How i should be.
me, on my own. happy in my ownself.
But this hole is forever being fucking carved into,
it starts to heal over, until the next time,
when it's just fucking carved at,
again and a fucking gain.
Less and less of me exists-
i am being carved away.

Thu, 29 Dec 2005 10:28:49 GMT

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=5587809&imageID=386470490

disgusting much?!

FUCKING LIAR IS WHAT HE IS.
arsefuckinghole.

Sun, 27 Nov 2005 16:42:08 GMT

i fucking hate the person i became last night.
and yeh, why the fuck did i have to be the way i was.

Fri, 25 Nov 2005 18:55:30 GMT

I was lying in my bed last night staring
At a ceiling full of stars
When it suddenly hit me
I just have to let you know how I feel
We live together in a photograph of time
I look into your eyes
And the seas open up to me
I tell you I love you
And I always will
And I know that you can't tell me
So I'm left to pick up
The hints, the little symbols of your devotion
I feel your fists
And I know it's out of love
And I feel the whip
And I know it's out of love
I feel your burning eyes burning holes
Straight through my heart
It's out of love
I accept and I collect upon my body
The memories of your devotion

FUCKING AMAZING.

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 18:38:59 GMT

'i'm going out of my mind, with a pain that stops and starts,
like a corkscrew through my heart, ever since we've been apart.'

Sun, 21 Aug 2005 13:59:31 GMT

So yeeeh i found some photos of last night which i took which are funny! I think there are probably loads more to be sent. But hi, i bloody love these boys.

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 18:23:17 GMT

I really like patrick wolf &arcade fire.

Sun, 26 Jun 2005 11:55:54 GMT

everyone i ever loved went down in history, the blue eyes came, the brown eyes left, and the rest is misery. Dreams are trash on the side of the road, all starry eyes- tongue all tied.
Theres something you should know.
I could have died with you.